If you really wanna hear about it...

Have you ever been depressed? I don't mean sad or upset or bummed out, I mean truly depressed? Did you ever ask yourself why you got depressed? I mean, did you ever just sit down and think about it and figure it out?

Did you ever get depressed and you knew EXACTLY what caused it the moment it happened?

I had a hell of night tonight. I had a hell of a night before the night was even halfway over.

Memories are one hell of a nightmare sometimes. How can something that you cherish so much in your mind all of a sudden, out of nowhere, smack you right in the face? A blast from the past? You Bet!

Why is it that every girl that I've EVER loved/cared about/crushed on is now married, getting married or dating some douche bag? Why is it that all of these girls have decided that I wasn't worth giving a shot to, but these frat boy assholes are worth marrying? Seriously, what is wrong with me? You don't need to tell me. I already know.

I'm fat, ugly, poor and I apparently have the personality of a retard in a coma. I don't think I've ever hated myself more than I do right now. Why? Because a girl I haven't talked to in six years is getting married. Because I happened to run into her while she was having her bachelorette party. Because she happened to recognize me. Because she seemed to want to talk to me. Because she forgot about me six years ago and in a matter of two minutes, she forgot about me again. Because I can't believe how depressed I am over something that shouldn't come close to depressing me.

If you wanna know the truth, I don't care if I live or die right now. If you really wanna know the truth, I almost sat down next to a tree on my long walk home from the bar hoping I'd fall asleep and die of exposure. Instead, I came home and thought about big of a loser I am and how I'll always be a loser because I'm too lazy to change my station in life.

You still want to try and convince me there's a god? I'm an atheist for a reason.

I wonder if any girls would feel pity or at least sympathy for me if they knew how much they indirectly hurt me by not even remotely thinking about me as an option. As anything more than a friend. As someone who isn't the most sexually unthreatening person they know.

How bad can it be?

Bad enough that the lamest guys in the world get more play than me. Bad enough that I get invited to "Girls' Night"

Luckily, though, I'm constantly asked to give advice on relationships. Luckily, I'm constantly told about all of my friends' latest sexual conquests. Luckily, I get to hear day in and day out about how "relationships just aren't worth it."

Well, guess what. Fuck you.

Fuck You! Fuck You!! Fuck You!!!

I would kill to have overbearing, possessive, jealous, ball-busting girlfriend. I can't even get a girl to take me serious. I've had a girl tell me she loved me just to have my heart get crushed a mere two weeks later. I could have sworn that I wasn't that big of a loser. I mean, even Hitler couldn't turn a girl off in the short of a time.

I think I could have raped the girl's dog while shitting in her cereal without turning her off any more than I did just by being myself.

But what do you care? You either some douche bag guy or some stupid cunt who's about to swallow some douche bag's cum.

Oh well. It's not like bitching about it's going to help. In fact, talking about it just depresses the hell out of me even more. Because no one cares anyhow.