Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
So, I'm sick. That's right. I'm sick. Not vomitey sick or anything. I'm not even coughey sick. I'm "feel-like-shit-and-my-voice-sounds-like-the-gay-guy-from-Mrs.-Doubfire-you-know-the guy-who-played-Robin-William's-brother" sick. If you're not sick right now, I hate you.
The pope's finally dying. Normally, I'd be happy about that, but I'm not. Could it be that I'm not quite as bitter as I used to be? Nope, not really. I still hate the pope, especially this one. I mean, how long did he sit back and let priest after priest molest little boys? I believe the answer is: YEARS!!! So, I'm glad that fucker's dying, but I'm still not happy. Why? Because I'm going to be hearing about this old, wrinkled douchebag for the next eight months. I hate the news. How about some actual news once in a while? (Michael Jackson molesting a ten year old boy isn't news. Michael Jackson releasing a hit song. That's news!)
Terri Schiavo finally died and I would be happy about it, but again, I'm going to be hearing about it on the news for the next seventeen years. The last two weeks have been the SAME EXACT reports, over and over again.
They denied the appeal!
They are appealing again!
Republicans love life!
Liberals are killing an innocent woman!
Well, the last time I checked, non-vegetables are in serious need of affordable healthcare, but luckily, those life-loving republicans are slashing funds for healthcare. Oh, how they love life when it serves them. They love life until they have to pitch in a few cents to help out. They are greedy, greedy people. They don't care about life. They care about opportune politics. Luckily, 85f the country disagreed with them. For once, being a liberal wasn't shameful.
Of course, you wouldn't know it. The news coverage was super slanted towards saving this woman's... wait, sorry, tomato's life. God, South Park is wonderful.
Anyhow, the pope's dying, some tomato died and I'm still not happy. I'm sick. And my insurance doesn't cover any medication I need. Can I get a break?
So, I got sick over Easter Weekend. Is it a coincidence? I mean, Christ supposedly died this weekend. Granted, it's a different date every year, but still, it's when he died. Does this mean that I'm like partially a messiah? I only hope so.
How did I get sick? Well, science tells me that you can't get sick from not wearing a coat in cold, rainy weather, but to hell with that. That's how I got sick, even if I know that's not the reason. If you want to stay healthy never, ever walk home from a bar at 1AM when you're depressed as hell because you saw this girl you used to have a crush on is getting married. Don't do it. Take a cab. Or pretend to pass out. Someone will take you home.
Can I blog-poetic for a moment? I don't know what that means, but I just want to say that 30footFALL is the greatest band that should not have broken up.
So, I'm working on a few scripts so I can turn them into a few short films. Tentative titles are:
You and Your Gay Movies!
Two: The Only Even Prime Number
High School Locker Romance
Keystone Pride
Talk Show
What does those titles mean? Nothing. Atleast they don't right now. Check back in like 20 years when I finally get enough motivation to type out some scripts. And, just so you know, I actually have ideas for those titles. I didn't just make them up. I swear to god.
Now I'm out of things to say.
The pope's finally dying. Normally, I'd be happy about that, but I'm not. Could it be that I'm not quite as bitter as I used to be? Nope, not really. I still hate the pope, especially this one. I mean, how long did he sit back and let priest after priest molest little boys? I believe the answer is: YEARS!!! So, I'm glad that fucker's dying, but I'm still not happy. Why? Because I'm going to be hearing about this old, wrinkled douchebag for the next eight months. I hate the news. How about some actual news once in a while? (Michael Jackson molesting a ten year old boy isn't news. Michael Jackson releasing a hit song. That's news!)
Terri Schiavo finally died and I would be happy about it, but again, I'm going to be hearing about it on the news for the next seventeen years. The last two weeks have been the SAME EXACT reports, over and over again.
They denied the appeal!
They are appealing again!
Republicans love life!
Liberals are killing an innocent woman!
Well, the last time I checked, non-vegetables are in serious need of affordable healthcare, but luckily, those life-loving republicans are slashing funds for healthcare. Oh, how they love life when it serves them. They love life until they have to pitch in a few cents to help out. They are greedy, greedy people. They don't care about life. They care about opportune politics. Luckily, 85f the country disagreed with them. For once, being a liberal wasn't shameful.
Of course, you wouldn't know it. The news coverage was super slanted towards saving this woman's... wait, sorry, tomato's life. God, South Park is wonderful.
Anyhow, the pope's dying, some tomato died and I'm still not happy. I'm sick. And my insurance doesn't cover any medication I need. Can I get a break?
So, I got sick over Easter Weekend. Is it a coincidence? I mean, Christ supposedly died this weekend. Granted, it's a different date every year, but still, it's when he died. Does this mean that I'm like partially a messiah? I only hope so.
How did I get sick? Well, science tells me that you can't get sick from not wearing a coat in cold, rainy weather, but to hell with that. That's how I got sick, even if I know that's not the reason. If you want to stay healthy never, ever walk home from a bar at 1AM when you're depressed as hell because you saw this girl you used to have a crush on is getting married. Don't do it. Take a cab. Or pretend to pass out. Someone will take you home.
Can I blog-poetic for a moment? I don't know what that means, but I just want to say that 30footFALL is the greatest band that should not have broken up.
So, I'm working on a few scripts so I can turn them into a few short films. Tentative titles are:
You and Your Gay Movies!
Two: The Only Even Prime Number
High School Locker Romance
Keystone Pride
Talk Show
What does those titles mean? Nothing. Atleast they don't right now. Check back in like 20 years when I finally get enough motivation to type out some scripts. And, just so you know, I actually have ideas for those titles. I didn't just make them up. I swear to god.
Now I'm out of things to say.
posted by Jym Is Cool at 12:25 AM
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