I Heart Boobies

Sometimes I wish I were some lame emo kid so I could whine and bitch about my love life and then I could write a song and make a millions dollars off of it, but sadly, I have some dignity left so I won't sick as low as to start listening to a bunch of shitty bands with three words in their name. My Chemical Romance ring any bells?

Things get even worse when you flat out tell a girl you like her and she just kind of stares at you for a minute like she's afraid you're going to kill her. Then she smiles and continues to ignore you. It's super.

And to make it even worse, girls love to tell me about the super great guy they've met or started dating or just fucking because his cock is huge. Why am I ALWAYS the only person these girls tell. I know that females have their little retreats and newsletters they hand out to let other females know how to fuck with guys. I know all that, but is there a "Piss Jym Off" newsletter that I don't know about?

And just like I can't stand when someone mentions Jesus two thousand times in a two minute conversation, I also can't stand when someone has to talk about their new guy or new gal like being in that relationship will single handedly cure cancer as well as make money grow on trees. It's annoying. And most of the time, the girl who's talking about their douchey boyfriend is usually a girl that I myself would date.

I swear that I can't go fifteen minutes without getting an email, an instant message, a phone call, a guestbook entry, a certified letter, a face-to-face lecture or a thirty minute infomercial that doesn't make me feel like the only loser without a girlfriend and it's ALWAYS from someone that knows I hate getting those things.

So, this is to everyone in the world. I don't care how fucking happy you are. I don't care how awesome your boyfriend or girlfriend is. I don't care how many times he makes you cum. I don't care how cute the noise is when his balls smack off your ass. I don't fucking care. Keep that shit to yourself. I have enough reasons to be miserable without all you happy people throwing more in my face.

In other news, Gib's coming home this weekend. Should be fun. He's the only person I can guarantee will put a smile on my face. If only I were gay and if only he were gay and if only he weren't damn near married...