Technology can suck a dick...
So, I got to thinking as I was listening to my compact disc full of seven inch records. I was listening to a Not Your Friends song and I was thinking Man, this is the greatest band ever. I'm so glad I found this cd, but I wish I still had the record and a record player. That's when it hit me.
TECHNOLOGY FUCKING SUCKS!
Maybe the Uni-Bomber was onto something with his 30,000 word manifesto, his anti-technology diatribe is starting to strike a nerve in me. The more I think about it, the more I hate technology. For every great advancement in technology, there's at least one horrible one. For every mechanical heart there is a nuclear bomb. For every GPS system, there is a cell phone. For every interent there is that same internet. I'm sick of it.
What was so wrong with vinyl records? If you had never heard a compact disc would you be complaining about the scratches, the pops, the clicks? Nope. I didn't complain about them when it was all I had. We never complained about what we had. We were just happy to have it. Now that technology advances leaps and bounds every fifteen seconds, we are NEVER happy enough.
"My internet's not fast enough!"
Well, there was a time where a 14.4kps modem was fast as balls. And if you're ever had sex with me, you'd know that means it's really fucking slow. I mean, I take forever to finish, but still, it was more than enough for the internet. I remember in the movie Hackers when someone said their computer had a 28.8kps modem, everyone flipped out like it was science fiction or something. Now, if we don't have super broadband access we act like the world is over. If we can't have our entire movie downloaded in an hour, it's just not worth waiting. I remember when going to the movie rental place took longer than that. Now it's a sin if we have to wait. It's sick.
"My cell phone doesn't have a camera in it."
I've heard this one before. What the fuck is wrong with us? It's a fucking phone. Aren't you amazed that you can go anywhere you want and call someone no matter where they are at and still be able to understand them most of the time? If you're not amazed by that you are an asshole. But, now people want cameras, camcorders, recording studios and I'm sure someone will want their phone to be their own personal ATM. I remember the old school Zach Morris cell phone. The thing looked like it came straight from World War II. They weighed about thirty-seven pounds and if you could actually lift it to you ear, there was no promise that you could actually be able to call someone with it. You had better service with two tin cans and some string. But, now if you lose service or your camera phone doesn't take the best picture, these whiney little shits will whine and scream until mommy and daddy buys them a new one. Little fucking facists.
"My iPod only holds 10,000 songs!"
God, I remember a thing called the Walkman. I know there were radio headphones, but fuck that, I'm talking about my shit. The walkman was the greatest thing ever. You could take your favorite tape anywhere you wanted and didn't have to listen to other people. It was great. Then it got even better with the Discman. You could listen to a cd. Granted, the batteries lasted long enough to hear a song and a half, but it was a cd...wherever you went. That should have been the end of it. But, no. These fucking mp3 players had to ruin it all. They had to ruin what used to be the greatest artform ever known to man. The mix tape. Who makes mix tapes anymore? No one. No one at all. It was replaced with the mix cd, which is so god damn impersonal it makes me sick. But, even that was replaced by the random button on an mp3 player. It's sad.
Don't think I don't appreciate the really great things that have come along. DVD's are my savior. That have kept me from killing myself by giving me something to take my mind of my shitty life. Can you do that with VHS? Hardly. Director's commentaries is where it's at. They are a gift from god. I love the internet. It gives me porn, which I need worse than any one I've ever met. It gives me fake affection by means of email, blogs, instant messengers and even pop ups. I love microwaves, air conditioners, remote controls and cordless phones.
What I can't stand is that people aren't happy with what they have. They are happy with what they are going to get, at least until someone else gets it, then it's not so great. A friend of mine put it best when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Thirty percent of this world's problems can be summed up by cell phones."
I happen to think it's more like ninety percent, but we both agree, our technology obsession and a desire to outdo everyone else is why this world will hopefully end soon. Luckily, when a new breed of species comes to dominate the world, they'll have cell phones, suv's and bombs waiting for them. Now that I think about it, that world would be pretty rad to live in. Everything's decayed and broken, but there are so many toys to do even more damage. I can't wait.
But, I do have one thing to be happy about when it comes to cell phones. BRAIN TUMORS!!!
TECHNOLOGY FUCKING SUCKS!
Maybe the Uni-Bomber was onto something with his 30,000 word manifesto, his anti-technology diatribe is starting to strike a nerve in me. The more I think about it, the more I hate technology. For every great advancement in technology, there's at least one horrible one. For every mechanical heart there is a nuclear bomb. For every GPS system, there is a cell phone. For every interent there is that same internet. I'm sick of it.
What was so wrong with vinyl records? If you had never heard a compact disc would you be complaining about the scratches, the pops, the clicks? Nope. I didn't complain about them when it was all I had. We never complained about what we had. We were just happy to have it. Now that technology advances leaps and bounds every fifteen seconds, we are NEVER happy enough.
"My internet's not fast enough!"
Well, there was a time where a 14.4kps modem was fast as balls. And if you're ever had sex with me, you'd know that means it's really fucking slow. I mean, I take forever to finish, but still, it was more than enough for the internet. I remember in the movie Hackers when someone said their computer had a 28.8kps modem, everyone flipped out like it was science fiction or something. Now, if we don't have super broadband access we act like the world is over. If we can't have our entire movie downloaded in an hour, it's just not worth waiting. I remember when going to the movie rental place took longer than that. Now it's a sin if we have to wait. It's sick.
"My cell phone doesn't have a camera in it."
I've heard this one before. What the fuck is wrong with us? It's a fucking phone. Aren't you amazed that you can go anywhere you want and call someone no matter where they are at and still be able to understand them most of the time? If you're not amazed by that you are an asshole. But, now people want cameras, camcorders, recording studios and I'm sure someone will want their phone to be their own personal ATM. I remember the old school Zach Morris cell phone. The thing looked like it came straight from World War II. They weighed about thirty-seven pounds and if you could actually lift it to you ear, there was no promise that you could actually be able to call someone with it. You had better service with two tin cans and some string. But, now if you lose service or your camera phone doesn't take the best picture, these whiney little shits will whine and scream until mommy and daddy buys them a new one. Little fucking facists.
"My iPod only holds 10,000 songs!"
God, I remember a thing called the Walkman. I know there were radio headphones, but fuck that, I'm talking about my shit. The walkman was the greatest thing ever. You could take your favorite tape anywhere you wanted and didn't have to listen to other people. It was great. Then it got even better with the Discman. You could listen to a cd. Granted, the batteries lasted long enough to hear a song and a half, but it was a cd...wherever you went. That should have been the end of it. But, no. These fucking mp3 players had to ruin it all. They had to ruin what used to be the greatest artform ever known to man. The mix tape. Who makes mix tapes anymore? No one. No one at all. It was replaced with the mix cd, which is so god damn impersonal it makes me sick. But, even that was replaced by the random button on an mp3 player. It's sad.
Don't think I don't appreciate the really great things that have come along. DVD's are my savior. That have kept me from killing myself by giving me something to take my mind of my shitty life. Can you do that with VHS? Hardly. Director's commentaries is where it's at. They are a gift from god. I love the internet. It gives me porn, which I need worse than any one I've ever met. It gives me fake affection by means of email, blogs, instant messengers and even pop ups. I love microwaves, air conditioners, remote controls and cordless phones.
What I can't stand is that people aren't happy with what they have. They are happy with what they are going to get, at least until someone else gets it, then it's not so great. A friend of mine put it best when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Thirty percent of this world's problems can be summed up by cell phones."
I happen to think it's more like ninety percent, but we both agree, our technology obsession and a desire to outdo everyone else is why this world will hopefully end soon. Luckily, when a new breed of species comes to dominate the world, they'll have cell phones, suv's and bombs waiting for them. Now that I think about it, that world would be pretty rad to live in. Everything's decayed and broken, but there are so many toys to do even more damage. I can't wait.
But, I do have one thing to be happy about when it comes to cell phones. BRAIN TUMORS!!!
posted by Jym Is Cool at 3:33 AM
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