Should I Be Concerned?

So, today's the fourth anniversary of the day before everyone went apeshit. I remember where I was exactly four years ago. I was sleeping in and spending my unemployment checks on liquor. It was a grand time. I could walk down the street without having to worry for my safety, as well as my sanity. Now I live in terror. It seems I'll never be able to escape the constant threat of terrorists.

Oh, not mid-eastern terrorists. I mean, christ, I live in the middle of nowhere. Jihadists don't care about my town. They aren't the terrorists that cause me to live in fear. I'm scared of terrorists of a different sort.

PatrioTerrorists.

I'm hoping to someday take the fight to them before they destroy this great country. As an homage to the days of old, I'm going to watch some football, eat some meat and remember the days when you could love your country and keep your mouth shut about it. Those were the days.

Now, onto something that's a lot funnier.

Lately, I've been having some mental problems. Granted, I've been having mental problems since I was ten, but those were depression based. The problems I'm having now might be schitzo based. For the past few months, I'll be standing around and I'll see and feel myself doing something only to wake up and realize that the last ten seconds hadn't happened. I daydream for seconds at a time and it feels real. For instance:

A few days ago while I was waiting in line to punch out of work, I was staring at this very attractive woman that I work with. Now, to start, she's not "work hot". She's actually hot. And, I was staring at her. I wasn't staring like a stalker or anything, but just staring at her because she was in between myself and the time clock. She had her back to me and I felt myself reach up and start rubbing her back like you would to someone you're dating. I felt myself doing it. I saw myself doing it. My brain reacted as if I was doing it. My penis reacted as well, but that's a whole different story.

So, there I was rubbing her back and then *poof* I'm just standing there holding my micrometers and book. Nothing I had just witnessed had happened. This is far from the first time this has happened. In fact, one day I "kissed" a girl at work only to snap out of it and realize I was just standing there staring at her. It was really creepy. Which brings me to my point.

Should I be concerned about this? Am I going crazy?

Whose to say that this hasn't been happening my whole life? Maybe I'm only now starting to notice these daydreams for what they are. Maybe half of my fondest memories are just daydreams that seem very, very real to me. Or, maybe most of my horrible memories are just daydreams. There's a chance that I never had a horrible time in school. Maybe I just imagined it all. It's kind of stupid, but with the things that have been going thru my mind lately I wouldn't doubt it if my entire life was just one huge fantasy.

A pretty shitty fantasy it would be. I'm not sure which would be more depressing. A crappy life or fantasizing about having a crappy life. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm either going crazy or becoming sane. Both are pretty scary.