Cool New People II: Electric Boogaloo
To hell with the cool new people. Either I don't know what cool means or myspace.com has very, very low standards. Seriously, the people that are always in my little "Cool New People" box are fucking retarded. Last night there was some dude rockin' a pose with his awesome bass guitar. Granted, he was cool so he didn't even have to be playing it. He's the Britney Spears of bass playing.
And since I'm talking about Tards and their stupid pictures. Senior pictures are the funniest things EVER! At the DuBois mall, there are always displays of the local cameraman's talented senior portraits. And they are always ridiculous. I mean, they are hideous. People uglier and lamer than me try their best to spend a couple hundred dollars to look cool and let me tell ya folks, it will NEVER happen. It doesn't matter how cool your car is, you look like a dweeb when your crouching next to it. You play guitar? Well, holding your guitar in your senior picture makes you look like a special ed kid who somehow found his way into the music room. Wanna dress up in camo and have your picture taken in your hunting pose? Go right ahead and remember, I don't want fries with that. One year I remember seeing this girl's picture and she was kneeling in a field of wheat. You couldn't even see her. I mean, it was like playing Where's Waldo. Except, she was hidden amongst grain instead of people and she was fat and ugly. Now that I think of it, this might have been the only moment of intelligence in the whole picture taking process. The photographer probably thought she would look better if you couldn't see her. I think he was right.
So, the pope died. Boo-fucking-hoo. Now I can't watch tv. I can't find out anything on the news because it's pope central. They need to create a Eulogy Channel. "Celebrating dead people who had nothing to do with you all night long!" I think it's a brilliant idea. During the week, have little 30 minute segments about lesser celebrities like the dude from Dukes of Hazzard or the chick from My Sister Sam. Then, when a huge celebrity like the Pope or Scott Peterson dies, we can have an all night love fest. I love celebrities! Even when they are dead, you still get to hear about their stupid lives. I LOVE IT!!!
The problem with being an atheist or an agnostic is that you don't have some dude who leads you. I'm going to personally try to crown someone the king of atheists. He can lead us in troubling times. He can tell us some comforting lines like: "Hey, shit happens sometimes." "Life isn't fair. Atleast it's not some God who keeps piling the shit on to you." and my personal favorite "Life sucks. Get a helmet." Of course, would Fox News cover the death of a man who led the atheist movement for 25 years? Probably not. I doubt there are too many christian conservative atheists.
I just thought of something. If a liberal secularist criticizes a christian conservative, then everyone thinks he's a bad guy, but when a christian conservative criticizes a liberal, then everyone says he's standing up for his beliefs. How does that work? I think everyone has the right to believe what they want, but how does my making fun of their beliefs make me a bad guy? I don't think they are bad people when they tell me I'm going to hell. I mean, they do the same exact thing as me, but I'm a jerk? Well, I AM a jerk, but not because they say so.
Well, I just ran out of things to bitch about, so I leave you with this.
"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to, too." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
And since I'm talking about Tards and their stupid pictures. Senior pictures are the funniest things EVER! At the DuBois mall, there are always displays of the local cameraman's talented senior portraits. And they are always ridiculous. I mean, they are hideous. People uglier and lamer than me try their best to spend a couple hundred dollars to look cool and let me tell ya folks, it will NEVER happen. It doesn't matter how cool your car is, you look like a dweeb when your crouching next to it. You play guitar? Well, holding your guitar in your senior picture makes you look like a special ed kid who somehow found his way into the music room. Wanna dress up in camo and have your picture taken in your hunting pose? Go right ahead and remember, I don't want fries with that. One year I remember seeing this girl's picture and she was kneeling in a field of wheat. You couldn't even see her. I mean, it was like playing Where's Waldo. Except, she was hidden amongst grain instead of people and she was fat and ugly. Now that I think of it, this might have been the only moment of intelligence in the whole picture taking process. The photographer probably thought she would look better if you couldn't see her. I think he was right.
So, the pope died. Boo-fucking-hoo. Now I can't watch tv. I can't find out anything on the news because it's pope central. They need to create a Eulogy Channel. "Celebrating dead people who had nothing to do with you all night long!" I think it's a brilliant idea. During the week, have little 30 minute segments about lesser celebrities like the dude from Dukes of Hazzard or the chick from My Sister Sam. Then, when a huge celebrity like the Pope or Scott Peterson dies, we can have an all night love fest. I love celebrities! Even when they are dead, you still get to hear about their stupid lives. I LOVE IT!!!
The problem with being an atheist or an agnostic is that you don't have some dude who leads you. I'm going to personally try to crown someone the king of atheists. He can lead us in troubling times. He can tell us some comforting lines like: "Hey, shit happens sometimes." "Life isn't fair. Atleast it's not some God who keeps piling the shit on to you." and my personal favorite "Life sucks. Get a helmet." Of course, would Fox News cover the death of a man who led the atheist movement for 25 years? Probably not. I doubt there are too many christian conservative atheists.
I just thought of something. If a liberal secularist criticizes a christian conservative, then everyone thinks he's a bad guy, but when a christian conservative criticizes a liberal, then everyone says he's standing up for his beliefs. How does that work? I think everyone has the right to believe what they want, but how does my making fun of their beliefs make me a bad guy? I don't think they are bad people when they tell me I'm going to hell. I mean, they do the same exact thing as me, but I'm a jerk? Well, I AM a jerk, but not because they say so.
Well, I just ran out of things to bitch about, so I leave you with this.
"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to, too." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
posted by Jym Is Cool at 8:12 PM
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