Everybody Poops!

So far I've lost zero pounds. But, I haven't gained any either. It made me wonder since all I ate was a plate of spaghetti, an apple and a few slices of bread. Well, it turns out that I had about five pounds of poop inside of me. It was pretty gross.

Tomorrow I'm going to Wal-Mart to buy a big black hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. That way, when I go jogging people might not recognize me. It's god damn embarassing to jog when you're fat. I'm going for the whole Unibomber look. I'm hoping that someone will see me and think that maybe the real Unibomber isn't actually in prison. A boy can dream.

I'm going to see Saturday Night Live in less than three weeks. I already have a boner for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I'm thinking I might get arrested for rushing the stage during Weekend Update.

The new Flaming Lips album drops on April 4^th. It should be pretty fucking good. I can't wait to finally hear the damn thing.

Well, I have to go touch myself and feel guilty about it. Until next time!