You know what I hate?
Just about everything, but you know what I hate more than anything right now? Stupid, stupid internet ads that have videos in them. I mean, what the deuce is up with that? They take forever to download and they always seem to slow down your computer. Do these companies really expect me to buy their shit now that I've had to wait forever just to get the porn I love so much? Take a small example, take a tip from me. Take all of your money and give it up to charity. When you're done with that, stop making gay ads that ruin my internet browsing. I just want to get my email, a little news, a whole lot of porn and then get the hell off. Wow, that pun wasn't intended. Anyhow, my point? Make ads that are quick and to the point. And really, does a half naked girl in a dating service ad really work? I can find fully naked girls who are licking each other's berginers in about two seconds. So, enough with the horribly slow ads.
You know what else I hate? Horrible facial hair. More specificly, my facial hair. Can a brother grow a beard? All I've wanted for the past five years is to be able to grow a beard. I can't for the life of me. All I can grow is a little patch on my chin. My neck has about two hundred hairs and all of them can grow about two inches a day, but they just aren't enough to grow a nice thick beard. Don't even get me started on my face. I'll get a quick shot of hair on my cheeks, but it's enough to cover about a square inch. Sadly, that square inch is spread over my entire face. It's just not fair. Maybe by the time I'm seventy I'll finally be able to grow that beard I've wanted my entire life. Of course, I will have been dead since I was thirty, so it won't really help me much. Damn you mother and father for your horrible facial hair traits!!!
And now that I'm ranting, you know what really grinds my gears? The fact that celebrities are news. The fact that rich people become celebrities. The fact that people actually give a shit what two rich cunts in New York are doing. You can't turn on VH1 without hearing about the fabulous life of some no talent ass-clown who thinks that everyone who's not as rich as them isn't worth one of their turds. It's pathetic. Why does anyone care about some basketball player's "crib"? Anyone who watched these shows and actually cares about these rich celebrities is a moron. It is my mission to kill these people for the betterment of the human race. People who care which celebrity is with some other celebrity should have their genitalia cut off and fed to Usher's dogs. Wait, I just heard that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been spotted together in NYC, so I have to go and find out what they are up to. God, they are both so gorgeous. If his sperm and her egg were to ever combine, it wouldn't form a baby, it would create an alternate universe. That's how gorgeous they are.
You know what else I hate? Horrible facial hair. More specificly, my facial hair. Can a brother grow a beard? All I've wanted for the past five years is to be able to grow a beard. I can't for the life of me. All I can grow is a little patch on my chin. My neck has about two hundred hairs and all of them can grow about two inches a day, but they just aren't enough to grow a nice thick beard. Don't even get me started on my face. I'll get a quick shot of hair on my cheeks, but it's enough to cover about a square inch. Sadly, that square inch is spread over my entire face. It's just not fair. Maybe by the time I'm seventy I'll finally be able to grow that beard I've wanted my entire life. Of course, I will have been dead since I was thirty, so it won't really help me much. Damn you mother and father for your horrible facial hair traits!!!
And now that I'm ranting, you know what really grinds my gears? The fact that celebrities are news. The fact that rich people become celebrities. The fact that people actually give a shit what two rich cunts in New York are doing. You can't turn on VH1 without hearing about the fabulous life of some no talent ass-clown who thinks that everyone who's not as rich as them isn't worth one of their turds. It's pathetic. Why does anyone care about some basketball player's "crib"? Anyone who watched these shows and actually cares about these rich celebrities is a moron. It is my mission to kill these people for the betterment of the human race. People who care which celebrity is with some other celebrity should have their genitalia cut off and fed to Usher's dogs. Wait, I just heard that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been spotted together in NYC, so I have to go and find out what they are up to. God, they are both so gorgeous. If his sperm and her egg were to ever combine, it wouldn't form a baby, it would create an alternate universe. That's how gorgeous they are.
posted by Jym Is Cool at 10:21 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home