A Crappy Weekend With Some Redemption

Let me just start off by saying that anyone who actually has the stupidity to call themselve "punk rock" and doesn't like the Clash gets nowhere with me. In fact, the next person I hear talking about punk rock like they are an expert but doesn't know anything about the Clash, I'm going to stab them in the face with a very blunt object. They hurt a lot more and much more damage than a sharp pointed object.

I had to work Saturday morning, so that kind of ruined my weekend for me. I had to get up at 5:15AM on a Saturday. That's just fucking wrong. It should be illegal. Luckily, work wasn't too difficult. That's not the point, though. The point is that I shouldn't have to work on weekends. It just keeps me tense the whole weekend so that when Monday rolls around, it seems like I haven't had a day off in over a year. It's retarded.

My weekend wasn't all crappy. Gib came home, so that made it not so bad. Just sitting on the couch and watching horrible television shows with him seems to brighten my day. I know that sounds kind of gay, but if I weren't so damn hetero, I would totally date him. Unfortunately, he's engaged and I'm all about the wang dang sweet poontang.

That brings me to what was a very nice experience that turned in a mini-breakdown for me. I went with Gib to have dinner with his family. It's kind of a thing when he comes home. I go with him to have dinner. I like to think that I'm part of the family and I'm pretty sure that the family thinks that same about me. So, we were over his sister's house and we had some homemade pizzas and we just kicked back and hung out. It was quite relaxing. Then it dawned on me. I was hanging out with a married couple, an engaged couple and a girl that was spending way too much time working on her Valentine's Day card for her boyfriend. It wasn't the fact that I was the only person there who didn't have someone, which is normally the case with me. It was that I realized that I'm never going to find anyone. Ever. At least not in this town.

I've given it a lot of thought and it's true. Every girl I know around here is either married, dating someone or thinks I'm not worthy enough to date them. They might be right, but that's not my point. My point is, that's all there is for me here. Married girls, girls dating douchebags, girls that either think I'm such a sweet guy that I'm like a "girlfriend" or girls that wouldn't fuck me if I had Brad Pitt's dick. If you are a girl and you know me, chances are you fit into one of those four categories.

And don't think that is me dumping on myself or anything. It's not. I'm just calling it like I see it. To be honest, in the looks department and what I can offer financially to a girl are lacking, but other than that I guarantee that I'm better than any other guy out there. That's just the truth. I'm pretty laid back about things, but I can get serious when the shit hits the fan. I can be pretty outgoing when it's the right occasion. I'm like a social chameleon, but unlike most social chameleons, I actually have my own personality that's quite unique. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. But, I'm much more than just unique. I'm adaptable. I can go with the flow and fill whatever need that arises. I'm just good like that. So, I know I'm a "catch." Whatever the hell that actually means.

Anyhow, so thinking about all of that in a matter of five seconds really depressed the shit out of me. But, I cheered up pretty quickly because Gib's sister has a puppy and you can't be sad when there's a puppy jumping on you. It's against the rules. Besides, thinking about that stuff was a good thing. I've realized that it's not worth trying anymore around here. I've officially given up even pretending to try and care about girls. It's done and done.

The whole "girls" thing wasn't the only change I went thru over the weekend. My attitudes towards babies changed as well. I'm not creeped out by them anymore. Gib's sister has a little boy who's cuter than... well, just about anything. He's just adorable. Now, don't think that I want to have kids or anything. In fact, seeing this little guy has more than made my decision to never father children even more permanent. I mean, if this kid couldn't warm my heart towards making some babies, then there's nothing that ever will. So, I'm definitely not ever expecting to want to make any babies, but at least I know that they won't creep me the hell out like they used to. I'm sure that if I ever change my mind, I'll even be a pretty decent father, but don't ask me to change any diapers and don't ask me to carry the baby around. I mean, I don't carry a dog around, do I? There's just something really scary about carrying a baby. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just more neurotic than I care to admit.

Gib did bring me a new Terrible Towel. I used to have one a long time ago. I bought it the year after they last went to the Super Bowl. I went to see a playoff game in Pittsburgh. They beat the Colts 42-14. It was a great game. I bought my Towel at that game. I had it with me all the time, but I'm sure that it got mixed up with my clothes at some point and when I went thru my clothes and threw some out, I'm sure it got tossed along. Luckily, Gib bought one for me and now I have a new Towel. I know it's gay to actually swing it around, but it's kind of fun to have it with you while you watch the game. It's just like when I wear my Penguins jersey while I'm watching a game on TV. Wearing it to the game makes sense, but it's just a little more fun to wear it at home. Don't ask me why. I won't have an answer.

So, I've listened to the Clash's song Train in Vain for about the fifteenth time in the last hour. It's such a great song. Plus, it's got a happy, almost funky bassline to it that cheers you up, but the lyrics are really depressing as hell. It also sums up what I'd like to say to just about every girl I've ever dated right after they dumped me. The funny thing is, I've never been in a relationship long enough to consider it serious, but this song still strikes a chord with me. If you don't believe me, just ask any girl I've ever been in a relationship with. They'll tell you just how unserious they were. I'm going to post the lyrics to Train in Vain at the bottom of this blog thing. Check them out and checkout the song as well. It's a classic song from a classic album.

Anyhow, back to something dealing with me. This song resonates with me so much because I used to be, and still am, a guy that falls in love very easily. Luckily, I've guarded myself against that. I'm the type of guy that when a girl just talks to me, I immediately think that she's into me. Even if she's just walking past and says "Excuse me." I will think that's her way of saying that I'm foxy. I'm that lame. So, to defend against that I have built up this wall that keeps emotion at bay. It's kind of depressing if you think about it, but it's the best thing I've ever done. Maybe I'm just a huge pussy. I'm tired of thinking about it. But, luckily, I'm cursed and it's the only thing I can think about. Oh well, sadly, life goes on... and on... and on.

For anyone who actually gives a shit, I'm down to 203lbs. Of course, after today, I'm sure I'm up a few pounds, but I've lost 8lbs just from not food that's really crappy for me. I haven't had to jog once yet. That will start once the weather is somewhat nice on a somewhat consistent basis. I can't wait.

Wait, yes I can.....




The Clash - Train in Vain
Say you stand by your man
Tell me something I don't understand
You said you loved me and that's a fact
and then you left me, said you felt trapped

Well some things you can't explain away
But the heartache's in me till this day

CHORUS
You didn't you stand by me
No, not at all
You didn't stand by me
No way

All the times when we were close
I'll remember these things the most
I see all my dreams come tumbling down
I can't be happy without you round

So alone I keep the wolves at bay
and there's only one thing that I can say

CHORUS

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me

Did you stand by me
No, not at all

Now I got a job, but it don't pay
I need new clothes. I need somewhere to stay
But without all of these things I can do
But without your love I won't make it through

But you don't understand my point of view
I suppose there's nothing I can do

CHORUS X 2

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me

Did you stand by me
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way