There's Nothing Like the Dead Milkmen

If you are ever in a crappy mood, which is the kind of mood I'm in most of the time, there's nothing like a Dead Milkmen album to help pull you out of the doldrums. Fuck Prozac, get a Dead Milkmen album. I recommend all of them.

Big thanks to http://www.dictionary.com for making it so easy to figure out that I spell (and smell) like a moron. I originally thought that doldrums was possibly spelled "dulldrums." It's not my fault. They teach you in elementary school to "sound it out" if you don't know how to spell something. That never works in english because english is the most fucked up language ever. Too many "silent" letters everywhere. It's retarded.

You know what I love about beind a Democrat? I love the inevitable failure that we're sure to achieve every two years come election day. Even when every sign is pointing to success, we Democrats will find a way to fuck it up. We're kind of like the Chicago Cubs of the two-party system. It's funny because I think that most Democrats are just as bad as most Republicans. Actually, that's really not funny. That's kind of scary. My point it this: I'd love to vote for one of the many other smaller parties, but it's pointless now. I keep hearing that you have to vote for the small parties now so that later they will be big enough to make a difference. Well, we're in trouble now. It's not that parties that are the problem. It's the people that make them up. Garbage in, garbage out. Elected officials come from the general population. That means they are a sample of the whole and frankly, the whole of this country must be pretty shitty. That's my campaign slogan whenever I run for office. "Everyone sucks. I just suck a little less."

So, I'm thinking about doing a podcast. Why? Because I want to be like everyone else. Plus, I've always wanted to be a radio DJ and I enjoy thinking that someone out there actually cares about what I have to say. I'm an egomaniac. The only problem is, I have no idea how to do something like that. I guess that's usually the biggest obstacle in any dream you have. You have to figure out how to do what it is you want to do. Some people want to do a gay podcase while some of you may want to become a high class call girl. Well, I don't know how to do either so don't ask me.

I could really use a blow job.

So, I reread my short film script and other than thinking it will definitely need a hell of a rewrite to polish it up, I also think it might just make a pretty darn neat five minute movie. I'm also going to touch up my feature length script. I figure that I can work on it while I write a few more short scripts and hopefully film those so I can figure out what I'm doing. I really like my first draft of my feature length script. It's damn funny, but it's structurely horrible. It has no beginning, middle or end. It's almost like a written documentary. But it's got awesome dialogue like this:

(Peter is talking to his roommate Mark and Mark's girlfriend Megan.)



MARK
Anyhow, dude, you might want to turn the TV up pretty loud cause we're gonna go upstairs and fuck.

PETER
I'm glad I know that.

MARK
Well, you know how she gets when we fuck. You can't keep her quiet and I know how you hate to hear it.

PETER
That's because the longest lasting sex in the world is always the sex that you have to listen to.

MARK
I can't help it if I'm such a stud.

PETER
Yeah you can. Just think about me licking your balls. That'll make you cum in an instant.

MARK
(Shaking like he's having an orgasm.)
Holy fuck, dude, you're right. Open wide for me!

PETER
You wish. Go upstairs and fuck already.

MARK
(To Megan)
You heard the man!


I think that shit's hilarious. Of course, I have a super immature sense of humour. Of course, I just spelled humour with a "u" therefore it's all proper and British, so that makes up for my twisted sense of humour. Therefore I win, somehow.

So, where was I? Oh, I was writing this gay blog when I decided to read thru my feature length script and it's still damn funny, but damn it's weird. Well, that's what happens when a weird guy writes something. It ends up being weird.

I want to highly recommend Gmail by Google. It's such a kick ass email program/website. It actually blocks out spam without having to set a filter. It's nice.

I also want to recommend my penis to all of the ladies. I don't want to go into too much detail, but let's just say that my penis is the ultimate palate cleanser. You know how you go to a concert and the opening band sucks hard? Well, that makes the headlining band sound that much better. Well, my penis is like an opening band. It will make the next guy you're with seem that much better. Hell, I think guys should be hiring me to bang their girlfriends just so they will seem to be that much better in bed. I think I just found my new business venture.

So, who wants to drive me to the movie theatre and pay for my ticket to see V for Vendetta? I really want to see this movie and I'm poor and I don't have a car and I hate going to the movies alone anyhow. Well, fuck you all for saying no to me. Assholes.

I'm done with this blog.