I've Never Been In So Much Pain
So, all day at work yesterday I had the worst indigestion that I've ever had. My entire chest felt like it was going to explode. All I wanted to do was either fart of burp and I couldn't do either. Before I went to work I had taken some Immodium because I could feel the upset stomach/gassy feeling coming on and I didn't want to have to keep running to the bathroom all day. Well, that was a huge mistake. The few times I went to the bathroom to try to relieve some dookage, nothing would come out. It hurt to not be able to poo.
Later in the day I started feeling all vomitey, too. Eventually around 3PM, I forced myself to throw up. Then 15 minutes later I did it again. My eyes were all bloodshot and my face was, and still is, covered with little broken blood vessels. It's pretty sick. I did feel a lot better after I threw up, though, but after a few minutes the pain came back. I finally got home and just forced myself to dook, but nothing would come out. Every five minutes I would feel like I could force something out, only to end up on the toilet with nothing to show for it. This went on all night. I eventually called my father to have him bring me some laxatives, hoping that would get my colon blowin'. Well, it didn't. Not until about two hours ago and nothing really came out.
Anyhow, today I am left with what can only be described as some torn muscles or something on my side. It only hurts if I try to stand up straight, so this weekend I'll be doing a whole lot of laying down and not moving. I know that all of you ladies are disappointed that I won't be able to shake my sweet groove thing for you, but wait, no one's disappointed. In fact, I'm sure that if some girl wanted to get busy, I could find away to deal with the huge amount of pain that I'm in.
The good thing is that I threw up what little I ate yesterday, so that should help the weight loss. In fact, it's been 26 hours since I've eaten anything. All that's entered my body since noon yesterday has been some laxatives, some Excedrin and some orange juice. Talk about healthy. The worst part is, just the thought of eating makes me sick.
So can anyone tell me what that fucking "Podcast Enclosure" is for? There's nothing anywhere that tells you what that is exactly. I'd like to know just so I can make fun of people who actually use it.
It's a good thing that this whole "getting sick" thing happened this weekend. Next weekend I'm going to see George Carlin. The weekend after that, I'm going to Cleveland to see NOFX. Plus, it's a good thing that I wasn't forced to work this weekend because there is absolutely no way that was going to happen. I can barely move let alone work. I guess Jesus was on my side with that. Of course, if he was on my side why did he let me get sick? Jesus, you have some 'splainin' to do.
Later in the day I started feeling all vomitey, too. Eventually around 3PM, I forced myself to throw up. Then 15 minutes later I did it again. My eyes were all bloodshot and my face was, and still is, covered with little broken blood vessels. It's pretty sick. I did feel a lot better after I threw up, though, but after a few minutes the pain came back. I finally got home and just forced myself to dook, but nothing would come out. Every five minutes I would feel like I could force something out, only to end up on the toilet with nothing to show for it. This went on all night. I eventually called my father to have him bring me some laxatives, hoping that would get my colon blowin'. Well, it didn't. Not until about two hours ago and nothing really came out.
Anyhow, today I am left with what can only be described as some torn muscles or something on my side. It only hurts if I try to stand up straight, so this weekend I'll be doing a whole lot of laying down and not moving. I know that all of you ladies are disappointed that I won't be able to shake my sweet groove thing for you, but wait, no one's disappointed. In fact, I'm sure that if some girl wanted to get busy, I could find away to deal with the huge amount of pain that I'm in.
The good thing is that I threw up what little I ate yesterday, so that should help the weight loss. In fact, it's been 26 hours since I've eaten anything. All that's entered my body since noon yesterday has been some laxatives, some Excedrin and some orange juice. Talk about healthy. The worst part is, just the thought of eating makes me sick.
So can anyone tell me what that fucking "Podcast Enclosure" is for? There's nothing anywhere that tells you what that is exactly. I'd like to know just so I can make fun of people who actually use it.
It's a good thing that this whole "getting sick" thing happened this weekend. Next weekend I'm going to see George Carlin. The weekend after that, I'm going to Cleveland to see NOFX. Plus, it's a good thing that I wasn't forced to work this weekend because there is absolutely no way that was going to happen. I can barely move let alone work. I guess Jesus was on my side with that. Of course, if he was on my side why did he let me get sick? Jesus, you have some 'splainin' to do.
posted by Jym Is Cool at 4:54 PM
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