Methodist Coloring Book
"You've got a Methodist Coloring book and you color really well.
But don't color outside the lines or God will send you to hell.
Cause Got hates war and God hates crime
but He really hates people who color outside the lines"
See that? That's called being funny, but at the same time making a point. It's from a wonderful Dead Milkmen song called Methodist Coloring Book which is on what I think is their best album Metaphyscial Graffiti. Buy it or burn it, I don't care, but hear it. It's wonderful.
Anyhow, my dad took me grocery shopping tonight. Yeah, you read that right. I'm so fucking broke that I called my old man to see if he could spot me a few dollars until the end of the week. He did me one better and just took me out to get some groceries. I felt weird because I was kind of forced to only buy the things I needed. I didn't want to make my father spend money that wasn't necessary, but if he had just let me borrow $20 then I could have spent it on junkfood and not given it a second thought. Anyhow, my dad paid for the groceries and he let me keep the change, so I actually ended up with $20. It's sweet because now I get to eat as well as not be dirt fucking poor. At least until I get paid and then immediately pay some of my bills. Should be fun. At least I know exactly how much I have in my checking account so I can actually start balancing it every day. To think, all I needed was to have my appendix taken out and now I'm caught up on balancing my checkbook. Yay Me!
Anyone want to go see a Pirate game on April 15th? It's a Saturday. All fans in attendance receive a free Jason Bay Bobblehead. That's worth the price of admission. You can sell that on Ebay someday for more than the price of the ticket. I guarantee it.
You know what I hate? Frat boys. You know what I hate more than frat boys? Raggae music. You know what I hate more than raggae music? Frat boys who listen to raggae music.
Come on everybody, it's the first day of spring! Can't you just feel the good times that are on their way? Yeah, me neither. All spring means to me is that it's going to get be getting hot as fuck soon. That means I'm going to be one sweaty mofo. Plus, it means that my workplace is going to be 120 degrees on a daily basis. Throw in the humidity and I'm damn thankful to be alive. Hooray for irreversible global warming!
The next time you hear some moron saying that "evolution is just a theory" do me a favor and punch them in the face. Then tell them that a theory is a hypothesis that has been backed up by facts. If something's a theory then it means that it's probably true. Just look at geometry. Everything in geometry is based on theories. Hell, almost all of math and science is based on theories, but those theories are held to be true because there is evidence that backs them up. Hence, a theory is a very powerful thing. Therefore, evolution is a fact of life. That doesn't mean that some sort of god didn't create the universe or anything. It just means that we came to be here after billions and billions of years. That's all.
Another thing that bugs me is this. Christians are Christians because they follow the teaching of Christ. Am I right so far? That makes me wonder why they still follow the old testament then. If you're supposed to do what Jesus said then shouldn't you ignore the old testament? Doesn't the new testament make the old testament obsolete? You'd think so. But that's where most looney Christians get all of their ideas on how this country could be better. They never talk about the very socialistic views that Christ had. They never mention the fact that Jesus never once mentioned anything about homosexuals. You'd think he would have said to hate them if it was so important. It's funny. I've read Jesus' sermon on the mound and it's pretty darn good. It's quite communistic and liberal. I'm pretty sure that if Jesus were around today he would be all for social security, the rich paying higher taxes, not going to war, etc. But right-wingers don't ever mention any of that. They like to quote the old testament which is probably the most violent book ever written. Everywhere you look more and more people are being slaughtered. It's crazy. Plus, the old testament is the book of the Jews. It's their book. That's all there is to it. It's their book and most Jews tend to agree that a lot of it just doesn't make sense. They tend to agree that alot of it, if not all of it, is metaphorical. It's not ment to be taken literally, but it's meant as a way to teach morals. I think I might just print out all of the things that Jesus taught and all of the things he did and I'm going to keep them on me at all times. That way whenever some right-wing moron tries telling me that universal health care and welfare programs are wrong, I'll just pull out my little Jesus notebook. I'll show him where Jesus turned a couple of fish and a few loaves of bread into enough food to feed hundreds of people. That's welfare. Then I'll show him the part where Jesus brought Lazerus back to life and where he healed the crippled and lepers. That sounds an awful lot like universal health care to me. Maybe I'm crazy, but Jesus sure seemed like a liberal to me.
Of course, I don't believe in any of that nonsense, so it doesn't really matter to me, but it still pisses me off when right-wingers use the bible as factual backing for their arguments when it's obvious that their leader disagreed with just about everything they believe. I think that's funny.
You know what else is funny? I have 16 fucking cents in my checking account. It sucks, but I think it's hilarious.
But don't color outside the lines or God will send you to hell.
Cause Got hates war and God hates crime
but He really hates people who color outside the lines"
See that? That's called being funny, but at the same time making a point. It's from a wonderful Dead Milkmen song called Methodist Coloring Book which is on what I think is their best album Metaphyscial Graffiti. Buy it or burn it, I don't care, but hear it. It's wonderful.
Anyhow, my dad took me grocery shopping tonight. Yeah, you read that right. I'm so fucking broke that I called my old man to see if he could spot me a few dollars until the end of the week. He did me one better and just took me out to get some groceries. I felt weird because I was kind of forced to only buy the things I needed. I didn't want to make my father spend money that wasn't necessary, but if he had just let me borrow $20 then I could have spent it on junkfood and not given it a second thought. Anyhow, my dad paid for the groceries and he let me keep the change, so I actually ended up with $20. It's sweet because now I get to eat as well as not be dirt fucking poor. At least until I get paid and then immediately pay some of my bills. Should be fun. At least I know exactly how much I have in my checking account so I can actually start balancing it every day. To think, all I needed was to have my appendix taken out and now I'm caught up on balancing my checkbook. Yay Me!
Anyone want to go see a Pirate game on April 15th? It's a Saturday. All fans in attendance receive a free Jason Bay Bobblehead. That's worth the price of admission. You can sell that on Ebay someday for more than the price of the ticket. I guarantee it.
You know what I hate? Frat boys. You know what I hate more than frat boys? Raggae music. You know what I hate more than raggae music? Frat boys who listen to raggae music.
Come on everybody, it's the first day of spring! Can't you just feel the good times that are on their way? Yeah, me neither. All spring means to me is that it's going to get be getting hot as fuck soon. That means I'm going to be one sweaty mofo. Plus, it means that my workplace is going to be 120 degrees on a daily basis. Throw in the humidity and I'm damn thankful to be alive. Hooray for irreversible global warming!
The next time you hear some moron saying that "evolution is just a theory" do me a favor and punch them in the face. Then tell them that a theory is a hypothesis that has been backed up by facts. If something's a theory then it means that it's probably true. Just look at geometry. Everything in geometry is based on theories. Hell, almost all of math and science is based on theories, but those theories are held to be true because there is evidence that backs them up. Hence, a theory is a very powerful thing. Therefore, evolution is a fact of life. That doesn't mean that some sort of god didn't create the universe or anything. It just means that we came to be here after billions and billions of years. That's all.
Another thing that bugs me is this. Christians are Christians because they follow the teaching of Christ. Am I right so far? That makes me wonder why they still follow the old testament then. If you're supposed to do what Jesus said then shouldn't you ignore the old testament? Doesn't the new testament make the old testament obsolete? You'd think so. But that's where most looney Christians get all of their ideas on how this country could be better. They never talk about the very socialistic views that Christ had. They never mention the fact that Jesus never once mentioned anything about homosexuals. You'd think he would have said to hate them if it was so important. It's funny. I've read Jesus' sermon on the mound and it's pretty darn good. It's quite communistic and liberal. I'm pretty sure that if Jesus were around today he would be all for social security, the rich paying higher taxes, not going to war, etc. But right-wingers don't ever mention any of that. They like to quote the old testament which is probably the most violent book ever written. Everywhere you look more and more people are being slaughtered. It's crazy. Plus, the old testament is the book of the Jews. It's their book. That's all there is to it. It's their book and most Jews tend to agree that a lot of it just doesn't make sense. They tend to agree that alot of it, if not all of it, is metaphorical. It's not ment to be taken literally, but it's meant as a way to teach morals. I think I might just print out all of the things that Jesus taught and all of the things he did and I'm going to keep them on me at all times. That way whenever some right-wing moron tries telling me that universal health care and welfare programs are wrong, I'll just pull out my little Jesus notebook. I'll show him where Jesus turned a couple of fish and a few loaves of bread into enough food to feed hundreds of people. That's welfare. Then I'll show him the part where Jesus brought Lazerus back to life and where he healed the crippled and lepers. That sounds an awful lot like universal health care to me. Maybe I'm crazy, but Jesus sure seemed like a liberal to me.
Of course, I don't believe in any of that nonsense, so it doesn't really matter to me, but it still pisses me off when right-wingers use the bible as factual backing for their arguments when it's obvious that their leader disagreed with just about everything they believe. I think that's funny.
You know what else is funny? I have 16 fucking cents in my checking account. It sucks, but I think it's hilarious.
posted by Jym Is Cool at 1:13 AM
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