The Geekfest Shall Begin Shortly

My god I'm a fucking geek. I'm sitting here listening to a shitty NOFX album and just waiting for Gib to get his ass home. For like two days straight there will be a huge Geekfest going on in my house. There will be a lot of quotes from Mr. Show and a lot of quotes from the commentary on the Mr. Show DVD's. In addition to that, there will be tons of talk about the new PS3 and Sony's PSP. Plus, there will talk about Star Wars and I'm sure at some point I will try to give advice using dailogue from the Lord of the Rings. but, to top all of this off, Gib, myself, Lou, Beaman and Zack will all be playing Dungeons and Dragons. That's right. Make fun of me. I'm a loser. Did I ever claim anything different?

So, I've been listening to the new Weezer a lot. And I have to say, that at first I thought it was really good. In fact, I thought it was their 3rd best album. Now, I'm not so sure. It might in fact, be better than the Blue Album. Not as good as Pinkerton, but no album is. I still need some time to think it all over.

So, I think I might be in love. Not really. But I might be in love in that way that's not really a crush, but it is, but it's not. It's weird and kind of hard to explain. Of course, I just happen to be in fake love with a very real girl who is way out of my league. The funny thing is, I hardly know her, hence, the fake love thing. I hardly even talk to her, but there are a few things about her that are just plain awesome. I'm sure if I got to know her better, I'd realize that she's just like every other girl. But, for now, I'm fake in love. And she'll never know it because frankly, she's so far out of my league it's ridiculous. So, I'll just daydream about her and feel dirty for having done so. She'll continue to live her day to day life. I'll continue to be a loser and have less self-esteem than anyone in the world.

If you want to know the girl's name, well, too bad. I don't want someone to actually read this stupid thing sometime and then see the girl's name and tell her because, frankly, I have enough things to be overly embarassed about as it is. I don't need any cherries on top. Of course, if I thought I had even a one in a million shot with this girl, then I'd probably let the name slip, but guess what. That's ain't gonna happen.

Anyhow, I'm out.

New No Use mp3

So, I downloaded the new mp3 of the new No Use for a Name album and god, it fucking blows.  Their last album kind of sucked, so I had hoped their new one wouldn't be so god damn radio friendly, but alas, it seems like it's going to be a huge pile of shit.

Fat Wreck Chords

You know what I love? I love it when you order something and you get it in like four days. How awesome is that? I remember back in the day, if you ordered something from Fat Wreck Chords, it might take upwards of three months to get your shit. I ordered a couple Bracket cds and, lo and behold, four days later, I have them. Life doesn't suck quite as bad when you have a few new albums to listen to. I also recommend Amazon. They have kick ass customer service. I orderd a Dead Milkmen album, I got it in three days, but it was broken. Well, not broken, but the cd wasn't pressed right. It wouldn't play the last song at all. I went to the Amazon site, told them my problem and before I even sent back the defective cd, they had already sent me a brand new one. Good service is always worth the extra dollar more than you would pay at Wal-Mart.

So, BigWig is coming to town on the 3rd. I'm old enough to chaperone, so that's what I get to do. Granted, I get to see BigWig for free, but I also have to sit thru three other shitty bands that I couldn't care less about. I don't even care if I see BigWig or not, but I guess that's what I get for being old. I do get to have a very minute amount of authority, so I'm sure I'll abuse that. That will probably lose its fun after about fifteen minutes. Did I say fifteen? I meant two.

Episode III Bitches

Last night I went to see the new Star Wars movie. Now, I went into this film with high expectations. I had read a lot of really good reviews. Kevin Smith, who you should know, is a huge star wars nerd. Just watch any of his movies and you'll see why. Frankly, if you're reading this and haven't seen a Kevin Smith movie, then why am I your "friend"?

Anyhow, like I was saying, I went into this movie with huge expectations. This was the movie where you finally see this whiny little shit Anakin finally turn into evil incarnate. Plus, since I have always thought that Empire was the best of the original trilogy, I was really looking forward to Episode III because it was supposed to be dark as hell. I was totally psyched until...

My roommate went to see it Thursday night. That's right. She went to see it at the midnight showing and yet, somehow, I'm the geek in the house? I don't think so. I just play Dungeons and Dragons. I don't go out of my way to see a movie that I think is going to suck just to be able to say that I saw it first. That's fucking geeky.

Well, according to her it was awesome, but it sucked. I've never heard someone complain so much about a movie that she claimed to really like. For every important thing about a movie she had a complaint about. The acting was horrible. The story was horrible. The reasons that Anakin turned were horrible. Anakin's reasons for doing what he did in the movie were horrible. Blah, blah, blah...

So, I go to see the movie and frankly, I have to say that it was fucking awesome. I thought the acting, for the most part, was pretty damn good. I think the reasons and whatnot for Anakin finally turning to the dark side were, for the most part, pretty damn good. Some of the plot seemed a little forced (I'm not sure if that pun was intended or not. Tell me if it's a good pun and I'll decide about it later.) but to me, it was alright. It seems like there were lines or scenes cut from the film that would have made it better if they had stayed in, but you have to get a movie down to a certain length. Ask Peter Jackson about that.

The one complaint that my roommate made that had me pretty worried was that the lightsaber battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan wasn't as good as you'd expect. She claimed that it should have been so much more because it's the battle that destroys Anakin's body. Well, all I can say is that she's a moron because I watched the fight and it was fucking insane. I've never seen lightsabers move so quickly. This battle, for me, topped the fight in Episode I between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth Maul. That whole battle was awesome. Seeing Qui-Gon meditating while Darth Maul struck out at the force shields was just a fucking insanely awesome moment. But, watching Anakin being told by Obi-Wan that it was over and Anakin should stop because he's about to lose and still that fucker jumps out for an attack? That, to me, sums up why Anakin ultimately loses it all in the end and why Obi-Wan is a bad mother fucker.

Anyhow, I loved Episode III, but I know that I'll need a few more viewings for me to get a final judgement, but for now, here's how I rank them in order from best to worst.

Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Episode IV - A New Hope
Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Anyhow, onto something new. The new Weezer is fucking awesome. The more I hear it, the more I like it. It's pretty god damn personal. The way Weezer should be. How do I rate the Weezer albums? I'm so glad I asked.

Pinkerton
The Blue Album
Make Believe
Maladroit
The Green Album

There is it. If you disagree, you're a moron. And I have proof of it.

Right now, I'm listening to SNFU. They are greatest Canadian punk band ever. Propagandhi might have something to say about it, but right now, they don't have a new album out so until they get it out, they are number two on my list. Wanna see my Canadian punk band list?

SNFU
Propagandhi

That's it. Fuck every other Canadian punk band. They are just as lame as every other punk band in the world. Seriously, how bad can punk get? Apparently, pretty bad. Punk kids are turning into fucking pussies with their fucking gay emo and lame indie rock wanna be bands. Once indie rock dies, maybe I can finally start listening to new music again. Is it sad that I'm hoping ska come back? Yes, it is sad. Fuck ska. But atleast ska would take the trendy people away from punk and maybe some good bands will start making records again. God, I miss shitty little punk bands putting out shitty little 7" records. How I long for the day when it wasn't about making money and getting laid. I long for the day when it's about the music and not about the image. God, I hate music. And I hate people that make music. I'm going to start listening to underground jazz. Underground jazz will never be cool.

Arrested Development

Well, it looks like the morons who run FOX aren't such morons after all. They renewed Arrested Development for a third season. Rumor has it that they even signed on for a fourth season. Maybe they remember that Seinfeld wasn't a hit until its fourth season and frankly, Arrested Development is a much better show. Better writing and better acting. It's Seinfeld on acid. Plus, I have a man crush on David Cross.

My asshole hurts. I pooped a poop that was too wide for my pooper.

Ouch!

Tits, Guns and Ess-plosions

The read thru with Gib went pretty well. I gave him a copy of the script for him to jot down notes in the margins. It will be his job to tell me what's fucked up and what needs to be fleshed out a bit more, but get ready to see Tits, Guns and Ess-plosions in theatres everywhere... and by theatres everywhere, I mean my living room.

It was refreshing to hear someone other than myself laughing at most of the right spots. A few new jokes even popped up quite unexpectedly as I was reading lines in certain ways and just improving a bit. The initial count of "fucks" in the script was 115. After tonight, there are now 121. I expect to add a few more just to make it funnier. That's right, swearing is funny.

I almost forgot to mention how mean the last scene is. Man, I feel bad for the person that I'm taking aim at with it. Well, now that I think about it, I don't feel bad at all. Fuck 'em. Of course, now that I think about it again, I do remember reading it to Gib and halfway thru it thinking to myself, "Christ, you are one mean bastard. Don't be such an asshole..." and then I remembered how hateful I am and I started getting an erection. Should hate give me a boner? Well, it does.

Speaking of funny (with my added note, it should be "boners"), Cheap Seats in on ESPN Classic right now. Why am I typing this lame thing?

Big Black Bugs Bleed Blue Blood

So, this weekend will be the first time I've read thru the script with anyone. Good old Gib is coming home for the weekend for his sister Lydia's birthday. We're going to sneak off somewhere between cake and ice cream to come over and sit down for a few hours and we're going to start cutting and rewriting and reworking and rethinking plot points and what not. Then, we're going to sneak back and say "The cake was awesome" and hope that no one noticed we were gone. That should work. I mean, I did just make it up, so it can't fail.

This little short film of mine might break the all time record for using the word "fuck." I think in fifty pages, I used it about two hundred times. That's way more than the South Park movie and a bit more than Scarface, which I guess had 182 fucks. But, I'm doing it in what will end up being thirty minutes. Church groups everywhere will be begging for a copy of this movie.

I just bought the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou last night. They recorded the commentary for it in the bar where Wes Anderson and his writing partner wrote the script. That's a pretty rad idea. I think I'm going to do a commentary to my movie even if I never let anyone see it. I'll just watch it and talk about it and then lock it up in a vault. That sounds like a lame idea. It's soooo me.

Well, I'm lame and it's getting pretty early in the evening. You know what that means! Yup, time to go be boring somewhere other than in front of this computer.

Fuck you dyke....

I've failed at books, music and getting laid....

Now I'm going to fail at making a short film. It should be embarassing. Draft No. 1 of the film is done and ready to be ripped apart and put back together to make Draft No. 2. I'm hopefully only going to need to do this a couple of times, but I'm shitty writer, so it might not be complete finished until I'm seventy.

Does anyone have a hopsital, a guard station or a diner I could use for filming? I'm dead serious about this. I need three non-house locations. they are a hospital waiting room, a security room and a diner. Please, please, please someone out there who randomly came here and could get me access to one of those locations for a couple of hours, send me an email or comment on this stupid blog. I have a budget of no dollars.

Time Flies By When You're Thinking About Killing Yourself

So, I threw in ...And Out Come the Wolves and I was transported back in time to good old 1995. I remember when the album came out. I was broke so I couldn't afford to buy it. This kid down the street bought it, so I made him give it to me for a few days. I did this at the Hometown Festival. I should have bullied more kids when I was in school. It might have done something for my self esteem.

Anyhow, I hated my high school years, but I still look back at them with longing. I met my best friends in those years. I became the person I am in those years. Even though I hate myself, I'm still glad about some of the things I've become. So, high school wasn't all bad.

Being the loser in high school wasn't fun, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Maybe scoring with some high school girls would help. There's only one way to find out. If I'm lucky, there will by many, many ways to find out.

Holy Crap...

The script is finished. Well, almost. There is one final scene to write. I wrote the bulk of the script Friday night, so obviously, it needs to be punched up quite a bit, but that's not the point. The point is, there's one final scene to write. Unfortunately, it's the closing scene that wraps everything up and it's going to be the toughest to write. First, I have to figure out how to tie it all together; how to leave the audience happy with where the characters end up. That shouldn't be too tough, though. I have most of it written in my head. Now, I just have to sit down and type it. The toughest part will be having to get into a mindset where I can bleed on the page. This will be, by far, the most emotional scene to write. Memories and whatnot will not be easy to push aside as I'm writing this sucker. So, I'm going to take a few days to relax and get in the mind frame. I'm going to find a way to draw all my anger and sadness into one final scene, but at the same time, I have to bring the funny. I might have to get a little drunk the night I write it and then the next day, go over it sober. That worked for Edgar Allan Poe. Or maybe he was just drunk all the time. Not that it matters. He's dead. So, is Shakespeare. By definition, I'm doing way better than both of those assholes. Sayonara suckers.