So, it's Friday night at 10:35 and you're probably wondering what I'm doing writing a stupid blog that no one's going to read. You're probably wondering why I'm not out having a gay time on the town. I have a reason. In St. Marys, if you do anything in a gay way you get gang beaten by the church going people in town. What they don't understand is that I mean in its original meaning as in "happy" but they just assume that I'm gay then that means I'm raping and killing little boys. Granted, that's what gay men do, but I'm just happy.
Anyways, back to my point. It's a Friday night and I'm not out on the town. Big shocker there. I figure that last weekend I did enough "going out" to last me a few weeks. First off, Bird, Pat and Ryan were all home for some reason or another. I went out with them until just before 2AM. I had to drive Rye Rye back to 'Burg since his ride over was Bird and Bird was in NO way driving in his condition. Also, he was coming over to my place to keep hanging out.
We spend the majority of the night at Dino's, which is the only bar in town that I don't totally hate to go to. I was actually having an alright night out on the town just hanging and bullshitting with friends. It was nice. Then we had to go over to the Hoot to find Bird. That's when I should have known that something was going to piss me off.
We go over to the Hoot and we find Bird. We kind of just stood around waiting for him to finish his beer so we could head back over to Dino's. I should have just left right away, but I didn't. I stuck around and listened to some really horrible dance music. That wasn't bad enough. Just as I was about to leave by myself and wait for the rest of the gang to meet me at Dino's was when this girl walked in. I know this girl. I work with her in fact. Actually, she works second shift and I work first shift, but I know her from work. She is hot. Super hot. She sat down at the bar. She was just sitting there by herself. I wanted to go over and hit on her, but she's way too far out of my league, so I didn't. I just kept staring at her hopeing she would recognize me and give me that smile that indicates "Hey, come on over and talk to me" but she never did. Either she didn't notice me or she didn't want me to come over. Either way, she gave me no sign that I should approach her. So I didn't.
As we were leaving we were walking right past her and I will regret until the day I die that I didn't just step up to her and say something cheesy like "Hey, what the deuce are you doing here?" That's a perfectly easy way to strike up a conversation with someone you know but aren't too friendly with. But I didn't because why? I have absolutely no game and I have absolutely no smoothness. I swear, when I was born, I was the only baby without a smooth ass. That's how unsmooth I am.
Anyhow, I ended up leaving without trying to hit on her because I know that I wouldn't have gotten anywhere, but now I just regret that I didn't atleast attempt to get nowhere. I'm a douchebag.
So, that lead me to what I like to call the drunken reception.
My friend Russ has a sister. Her name is Kelly. From this point on, she will be referred to as "Kelly" instead of "My friend's sister" which is how I always tell this story. So, if you see the name "Kelly" from now on, you know who it is.
Anyway, Kelly got married last Saturday. I was invited. Wait, let me rephrase that. I was under orders from Kelly that I had to go. Which to me is funny. I've known Kelly for a few years and I seem to entertain her quite a bit, but I never really thought of myself as close enough to her to be invited to her wedding. Either she thinks way more highly of me than I thought or she invited me so that Russ would have someone to talk to. Either way, I was happy to be included.
So, I start getting ready at 1:15. That gives me thirty minutes at most to shit, shower, shave and get dressed. That normally would be more than enough time, but I didn't know if the pants I was going to wear were going to fit or not. I had neglected to try them on after my sister had altered them. Luckily, they fit pretty darn well. And I must say that I didn't look totally horrible in them. That's a step up from my normal appearance. I mean, I was wearing pants. That's not a usual thing for me.
Anyhow, we get to the wedding at about 1:55. We go in, sit down and wait. After about ten minutes, the wedding starts. The entire ceremony lasted about half an hour. It was a pretty casual wedding. The priest cracked a few jokes even. It was quite enjoyable and they didn't have the huge mass that usually happens. They just did the wedding by itself. Talk about sweet.
After the wedding, Mandy & I took Russ' girlfriend Jess back to our place to chill while he was stuck being in pictures of the wedding party. We hung out at our place for about an hour and a half and in that time, I mixed myself two really big mixed drinks. By the time we left, I was buzzing like a madman. Luckily, we showed up two seconds after Gib and Sandra arrived. It was purrfect timing as my cat would say.
Wait, I don't have a cat.
We go into the reception and we find a table to sit at. After about two minutes, Gib and I go straight for the cookies. They were delicious. We both thought those cookies would be the highlight of the night. Not so, for I started hitting up the open bar. I totalled five Captain and Cokes in the three hours I was there and the last three I had were super, super strong. So, I was drunk. Super drunk. That's when the fun began.
AKA: The dinner.
My god, the food was fucknig amazing. I have never, ever had a better meal in my life. No offense to my mother, my father, Mrs. Gibson, Mrs. Schreiber or any of the other mom's of my friend's who have made me dinner, but this was the best dinner ever. EVER! From now on all food will pale in comparison. It was that fucking good.
Anyhow, some other stuff happened at the reception that isn't that interesting to me right now. I'm sure I'll talk about it some other time. Or not. As Bobby Brown would say: It's my perogative!
AFter the reception, Gib, Sandra and I went over to the Gibson house to see Lydia before she went to homecoming with a junior. Talk about something that boils my goat. How dare a junior take a freshman girl to homecoming....even though I did the same thing my junior year. But, I'm not a complete douche bag like this guy was. Boy, he sucked. That's why when I showed up, I walked up to the two guys there and told them I'd kill them. Then I told them I was drunk, so I meant it. It felt good to put the fear of a fat drunk into them.
After that, I watched the Penn State game. Go Lions! They put a beating on Ohio State. It was sweet. I had a drunken imaginary erection the entire game. After the game, I went home and slept like a dog.
A few shitty days went by. I didn't commit suicide like I tell myself I'm going to do every time I wake up for work. Then, I came home yesterday and I found out that I had won two tickets to a rehearsel of Saturday Night Live. Granted, it's not the taping, but it's the rehearsel that happens right before the actual show. Basically, I'll be seeing the show before it actually happens. Beat that!
That means in January I have to go to NYC. It's pretty sweet. I get to kill three birds with one stone. I get to see SNL in person, I get to hang with my friend Drew AND I get to go back to NYC for the first time in five years. It will be excellent.
I don't know what else to talk about, so lick my wrinkley ball sack policewoman!
