Females Are Douche Bags Because You Are What You Date

It's 2:15AM on a Saturday night and I'm listening to some Not Your Friends. I should be in bed, but I just don't feel like it. I'm in one of those moods where you just want to be alone and think about things. Things like your life, your friends, your opposite gender, your need of a haircut, etc. So, that's what I'm doing. I really don't know why. It just ends up making me depressed, but there's no stopping me now.

So, awhile back, I had this crush on a girl. She was super way out of my league, but I still thought that weirder things have happened. Well, to keep the 1/17th of a person that reads this thing up to date, I haven't talked to this girl in over a month. Not that I really talked to her much to begin with, but it's been even less lately. No big deal. Rejection was inevitable.

So, I then when onto have a crush on another girl. She was pretty rad and I seriously thought that maybe something might happen in the future. I didn't actually think that something would happen, but it seemed like there was at least a chance. Then she decided to become real flakey. Then she found a boyfriend. I guess being fat wasn't a good choice for me. Oh well, at least I know I'm still a loser. Seriously, though. Fuck females.

At least I got some decent news last night. The Pittsburgh Penguins got the No. 1 pick in the draft. They picked Sidney Crosby. He's going to be amazing. He was on ESPN with Mario Lemieux doing an interview. The guy asked Lemieux if having Crosby on the team would make him consider playing longer than he had originally intended. Lemieux said he'd like to play a few more years. As long as his health holds up, it looks like Lemieux might stick around for a while. That makes me bonerfied.

The Great "No More Shaving" Experiment

I'm on day ten of not shaving.  It's pretty painful and pretty horrible to look at.  My goal is to make it thru all of August without shaving at all.  Maybe a trim here and there to even out the patches of hair that I'll have grown on my neck.  I might even take a picture before I finally do shave.  Man, do I have horrible facial hair.

This is what happens when you realize that it doesn't matter what you look like, you ain't getting laid anyhow.  Maybe I'll try to let it grow thru Christmas.  Of course, by then, I might scratch the skin off of my neck.

Hockey, Records and Baseball Bats

So, apparently, I'm having a party at my place on August 13th. No, you're not invited... unless of course, you actually are invited. I don't know who's invited yet. Make sense of that one.

It's a party to celebrate the return of Dixon and the leaving of Dixon. Depending on how you feel about him, you have a reason to celebrate. I will be celebrating the former, but after a few hours of him humping me, I'll be celebrating the latter, I'm sure.

This all means that I'm going to have to go to Wal-Mart and purchase a baseball bat so I can crack some skulls if anyone gets out of line. That will be fun. Hell, I might invited people I hate just so that I can tell them to leave and when they don't, I will cave their fucking heads in. That might make me happy. Or not, since I'll have to clean up their bloody mess. It's a win-lose situation.

So, hockey's back and that makes me smile. It's the greatest game on earth and unless Jupiter has something better, then I'd be willing to bet it's the greatest game in the solar system. I'm not sure how it would fare in the universe because I'm sure some random planet has a game that blows hockey away, but I have yet to see it, so fuck it, hockey is the greatest game in the universe.

With hockey coming back, that means that I get to go see some Penguins games this year. That should be exciting. Seeing Mario in possibly his last season playing with their soon to be new prospect Sidney Crosby. I've seen some film of this kid and he is amazing. He might be the best player since Mario. Add to the fact they have a super good young goalie in Marc-Andre Fleury and we might actually have a playoff team this season. I have a hockey hard-on just thinking about it.

I keep getting more and more records and that means more and more records are getting recorded and stored on cd in wave files so I can edit them later. Right now I have six cd's full of files, not to mention the two discs of Not Your Friends stuff. Music rules.

Now if I could just find a girl that would touch my penis, my life would be semi-cool.

Blow Me and Eat Me All at the Same Time

So, Gib just left. It was nice to see him again. It always is. I just hate a buttload of ice cream cake. A buttload, for those who know nothing about measurements, is about 271 grams. And no, I'm not converting that to pounds and ounces. You can do that yourself jerky.

I also got the new NOFX seven inch. It's pretty sweet. Not too catchy, but the lyrics are awesome. I'd tell you all about it, but I spent eighty dollars so I'd know all about. That's right. I used to have money to spend. It was a good time.

So, I think it's official. Everyone in the world is getting married. Or they are planning on it. Or they got laid this century. It's sad just how sad I've become.

I think I'm going to steal someone's acoustic guitar one of these days so I can record about 20 demo songs in hopes that someone might think they don't suck and want to be in a band with me. Yeah, it might happen. With songs titles like:

Presidents Love to Lead, Morons Love to Follow
Dr. Ronnie Prescribes a Hot Beef Injection
I Hate Everyone, but Especially You
Waking Up in a Stranger's House Means You're Walking Home
Genius @ Math
Fat, Ugly, Hairy and a Small Dick to Boot

How can I go wrong? I can't. But only if it's opposite day. Speaking of opposite day, I got a copy of the 30footFALL live album "10yearsandstillFALLING" and I do believe it's pretty sweet. And chances are, you don't have one, so I'm cooler than you.

I Heart Boobies

Sometimes I wish I were some lame emo kid so I could whine and bitch about my love life and then I could write a song and make a millions dollars off of it, but sadly, I have some dignity left so I won't sick as low as to start listening to a bunch of shitty bands with three words in their name. My Chemical Romance ring any bells?

Things get even worse when you flat out tell a girl you like her and she just kind of stares at you for a minute like she's afraid you're going to kill her. Then she smiles and continues to ignore you. It's super.

And to make it even worse, girls love to tell me about the super great guy they've met or started dating or just fucking because his cock is huge. Why am I ALWAYS the only person these girls tell. I know that females have their little retreats and newsletters they hand out to let other females know how to fuck with guys. I know all that, but is there a "Piss Jym Off" newsletter that I don't know about?

And just like I can't stand when someone mentions Jesus two thousand times in a two minute conversation, I also can't stand when someone has to talk about their new guy or new gal like being in that relationship will single handedly cure cancer as well as make money grow on trees. It's annoying. And most of the time, the girl who's talking about their douchey boyfriend is usually a girl that I myself would date.

I swear that I can't go fifteen minutes without getting an email, an instant message, a phone call, a guestbook entry, a certified letter, a face-to-face lecture or a thirty minute infomercial that doesn't make me feel like the only loser without a girlfriend and it's ALWAYS from someone that knows I hate getting those things.

So, this is to everyone in the world. I don't care how fucking happy you are. I don't care how awesome your boyfriend or girlfriend is. I don't care how many times he makes you cum. I don't care how cute the noise is when his balls smack off your ass. I don't fucking care. Keep that shit to yourself. I have enough reasons to be miserable without all you happy people throwing more in my face.

In other news, Gib's coming home this weekend. Should be fun. He's the only person I can guarantee will put a smile on my face. If only I were gay and if only he were gay and if only he weren't damn near married...

Interesting...

For the negative three of you that read my stupid blog, you've probably been wondering how my recording project is going. Well, it's going great. I think I have about five or six cds full of stuff. I still have about a dozen or so records to go... for now. I still have to get a few more collections from other people. My cousin Erik even gave me the complete Not Your Friends collection. It's a buttload of stuff. Oddly enough, I have a few of the songs recorded already and they sound better, plus, I'm going to try and make the other stuff a little better sounding. Since I don't know what I'm doing, that may take awhile. It will be well worth the time, though.

I even ordered a few records on the internet. I'll soon have the entire Sleepasaurus collection. That will be sweet as well. I'm also trying to reown all the records I've lost over the years and in the process, find some I never had, but should have owned. Records are great.

Car Alarms and OX

So, I'm sitting here trying my best to find some porn that worthy of an erection when out of nowhere a car horn start honking. For a split second, I thought that maybe someone I knew was at my house telling me to get the fuck outside, but it turned out to be a stupid car alarm.

Oh, how I hate them. They are the reason that carjackings happen. I know. It's the fault of the guy doing the carjacking, but hear me out. If a guy wants to steal a car, what does he do? He breaks into a car and hot wires it. He drives off, you lose your car, but your insurance buys you a new one. No one gets hurt.

With the advent of car alarms, thieves had to stop breaking into parked cars because there might be an alarm and then he's got to somehow run away with out being noticed. Not that anyone actually looks at a car with its alarm going off, but most people would try to get the fuck out of there. What does that mean? That means it's easier and less risky if they walk up to you as you're stopped at a light or getting ready to pull out of a parking space and then put a gun in your face. Chances are, they don't want to hurt you, but stupid people do stupid things like try to stop the guy from taking their car. Smooth move, Winner! You now have a hole in your head that everyone's going to notice. Don't even think of trying to get a date to the prom now. Also, don't even think of trying to get up and walk because you're dead.

Anyhow, that's why car alarms are worthless and the cause of carjackings. Prove me wrong. You can't. I win.

OX was a great band from various parts of Pennsylvania. They were noisy. They were raw. They were nice guys. They are being relived on my record player. How I miss bands like OX. They turned into Ding. I watched it happen one day in Kersey. One afternoon they were OX. A few hours later, they were Ding. It was a great day.

I miss days like that. They just don't happen anymore. Twenty bands playing in B.F.E. Great bands like Not Your Friends, Housewrecker, Jerkwater (twice that day), OX, Ding, Sleepasaurus, Felix Frump, and many others that I now forget. I made friends that day. Warmbrodt almost learned my name, too. Good times were had by all.

Shows aren't like that anymore. No one puts out vinyl. No one listens to vinyl. It's sad. But, atleast the good times were had at some point. People coming together to create a good time with two things: Music and friends. That doesn't happen now. Bands are businesses now. Caring only about the bottom line. Kids just want to show off how tough they are. It sucks. It really does.

When I first started going to shows, I was a naive little shit. Punk rock literally changed my life. I made some of my best friends and heard some of the greatest music ever. Everyone back then "got it." Sadly, no one "gets it" anymore. When I first started going to shows, you would run into people over and over again and they became friends. At the very least, you remembered the person and were friendly with them. Everyone respected the people that came before them. Everyone respected the people that came after them. The scene was full of love and respect. Now it's full of egos and apathy.

Well, that's enough of a stroll down memory lane. Some day I'll have to give my brief history of my punk rock history. It should be pretty lame.

Seven Inches Flying By

So, I now have a new goal. That is to record as many records as possible. Hopefully, I'll be able to get all the Housewrecker and Not Your Friends stuff some day and then I'll have this huge ass collection of bands that came thru St. Marys back in the day and I'll be able to pass that collection around and show people how rockin' this town used to be. So far, here's a list of bands I have recorded.

Not Your Friends
Housewrecker
Jerkwater
Rail
Quincy Punx
Jon Couger Concentration Camp
Sleepasaurus
Weston
NOFX
The Boils
OX
Latex Generation
The Dynamoz
Assfactor 4
Molotov Cocktail
The Dummies
Nooner
Houseboy

the list is going to go on and on and on and on until I amass a few hundred seven inches on cd and then the task of sharing the great music will begin and that will be the fun part. Call me gay. Call me lame. Call me anything you like, but if my only gift to the world is sharing some old seven inches, then I'll die a happy boy. Anyhow, back to music.

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

I really can't stand it when people say something and they don't come thru. From something as simple as, "Hey, I'll give you a call tomorrow." all the way to "Don't worry. I'll save your life." The worst is when someone doesn't come thru on the little things because the little things are so fucking easy to do. I mean, if you say you'll call me back, then call me back. If you say you'll pay me back on Friday, then pay me back on Friday or at least tell me why you can't afford to pay me back on Friday. Is it really that tough?

I'm tired of waiting around waiting for people to come thru on what they say. It gets way too annoying and I'm going to die at a young age, so I really don't feel like spending most of my adult life sitting around and waiting for things to happen. All that ends up happening is people end up lying to me because they can't do something simple like call me back or even send an instant message saying "Sorry, I got tied up." I mean, I don't ask for much. I'm very easy to please. Just ask any of my ex-girlfriends. They cheated on me and I was still happy.

Lame? Yes.

The great record recording has begun...

I got thru a few records yesterday. The following are now on cd.

Sleepasaurus - Master of Muppits
Sleepasaurus - s/t
Not Your Friends - Hell of a Stunt to Pull
Not Your Friends - God Damn Right
NOFX - First Five Records of the Seven Inch of the Month Club

Still to come are:

Latex Generation - Bored
Latex Generation - I Killed the President
The Boils - Hearts of the Oppressed
Sleepasaurus/Boils Split
Sleepasaurus/Hellbender Split
plus many more that I can't remember.

I love music from 1994-1998. It's the best.

Technology can suck a dick...

So, I got to thinking as I was listening to my compact disc full of seven inch records. I was listening to a Not Your Friends song and I was thinking Man, this is the greatest band ever. I'm so glad I found this cd, but I wish I still had the record and a record player. That's when it hit me.

TECHNOLOGY FUCKING SUCKS!

Maybe the Uni-Bomber was onto something with his 30,000 word manifesto, his anti-technology diatribe is starting to strike a nerve in me. The more I think about it, the more I hate technology. For every great advancement in technology, there's at least one horrible one. For every mechanical heart there is a nuclear bomb. For every GPS system, there is a cell phone. For every interent there is that same internet. I'm sick of it.

What was so wrong with vinyl records? If you had never heard a compact disc would you be complaining about the scratches, the pops, the clicks? Nope. I didn't complain about them when it was all I had. We never complained about what we had. We were just happy to have it. Now that technology advances leaps and bounds every fifteen seconds, we are NEVER happy enough.

"My internet's not fast enough!"
Well, there was a time where a 14.4kps modem was fast as balls. And if you're ever had sex with me, you'd know that means it's really fucking slow. I mean, I take forever to finish, but still, it was more than enough for the internet. I remember in the movie Hackers when someone said their computer had a 28.8kps modem, everyone flipped out like it was science fiction or something. Now, if we don't have super broadband access we act like the world is over. If we can't have our entire movie downloaded in an hour, it's just not worth waiting. I remember when going to the movie rental place took longer than that. Now it's a sin if we have to wait. It's sick.

"My cell phone doesn't have a camera in it."
I've heard this one before. What the fuck is wrong with us? It's a fucking phone. Aren't you amazed that you can go anywhere you want and call someone no matter where they are at and still be able to understand them most of the time? If you're not amazed by that you are an asshole. But, now people want cameras, camcorders, recording studios and I'm sure someone will want their phone to be their own personal ATM. I remember the old school Zach Morris cell phone. The thing looked like it came straight from World War II. They weighed about thirty-seven pounds and if you could actually lift it to you ear, there was no promise that you could actually be able to call someone with it. You had better service with two tin cans and some string. But, now if you lose service or your camera phone doesn't take the best picture, these whiney little shits will whine and scream until mommy and daddy buys them a new one. Little fucking facists.

"My iPod only holds 10,000 songs!"
God, I remember a thing called the Walkman. I know there were radio headphones, but fuck that, I'm talking about my shit. The walkman was the greatest thing ever. You could take your favorite tape anywhere you wanted and didn't have to listen to other people. It was great. Then it got even better with the Discman. You could listen to a cd. Granted, the batteries lasted long enough to hear a song and a half, but it was a cd...wherever you went. That should have been the end of it. But, no. These fucking mp3 players had to ruin it all. They had to ruin what used to be the greatest artform ever known to man. The mix tape. Who makes mix tapes anymore? No one. No one at all. It was replaced with the mix cd, which is so god damn impersonal it makes me sick. But, even that was replaced by the random button on an mp3 player. It's sad.

Don't think I don't appreciate the really great things that have come along. DVD's are my savior. That have kept me from killing myself by giving me something to take my mind of my shitty life. Can you do that with VHS? Hardly. Director's commentaries is where it's at. They are a gift from god. I love the internet. It gives me porn, which I need worse than any one I've ever met. It gives me fake affection by means of email, blogs, instant messengers and even pop ups. I love microwaves, air conditioners, remote controls and cordless phones.

What I can't stand is that people aren't happy with what they have. They are happy with what they are going to get, at least until someone else gets it, then it's not so great. A friend of mine put it best when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Thirty percent of this world's problems can be summed up by cell phones."

I happen to think it's more like ninety percent, but we both agree, our technology obsession and a desire to outdo everyone else is why this world will hopefully end soon. Luckily, when a new breed of species comes to dominate the world, they'll have cell phones, suv's and bombs waiting for them. Now that I think about it, that world would be pretty rad to live in. Everything's decayed and broken, but there are so many toys to do even more damage. I can't wait.

But, I do have one thing to be happy about when it comes to cell phones. BRAIN TUMORS!!!

What the fudge?

Lordy, lordy, look who's forty?

Not me you fucking assholes, but I feel like downing a forty right now and I hate beer with a passion.

So, why then?
I just found a cd I made of some seven inch records I used to have and it's sweet. There are some records that no one has anymore so I can't ever get these songs again, but it doesn't matter because I found the good recordings I made of this classic vinyl.

Bands like:

Not Your Friends
Housewrecker
Jerkwater
the Boils

and

Fucking Rail.

Rail was an emo band, back when emo was actually cool. They had an awesome seven inch and I just found the cd I made with that seven inch on it. I'm super fucking happy. Nothing can ruin my night.

Except if a certain girl out there tells me to drop dead. So, maybe I'll just ignore her so she can't tell me that. Awesome. My plan can't fail.

L8X Generation Brings Back the Memories

It's weird. I'm listening to boysrock by Latex Generation which I believe came out in late 1998, yet for some reason, it's reminding me of an earlier time and a later time all at the same time. Does that make any sense? It's rather depressing.

I guess it puts me in the state of mind that I was in when this album came out. Depressed, lonely, scared and kind of lost. I know it sounds weird, especially if you know me at all, since that was the year I spent in B3. Talk about a fun fucking year. Parties every weekend. Friends stopping by every weekend even if there were no plans to have a party. I swear, more parties just spontaneously happened there than were planned. One time I was drunk for a week straight because it was Tuesday. I actually wrote a song about it, but it sucks.

Anyways, as I'm sitting here listening to it, I get the feeling in my stomach that I would get back in the day. The memories come and go, but the feeling stays. It's a longing for that time in my life. Before I fucked everything up. Before I became the person I am today. I really hate what I've become. I'm a townie. It sucks, but because of my past fuck ups, I'm stuck here. Every year I say that this is my last year here, but three hundred sixty-five days later and I'm still suck here. So, I long for that time in my life. Back when the future looked bright.

At the same time, though, the feeling is that feeling you get right before you get arrested or right before someone gives you the horrible news about someone you love having just died. That horrible pit in your stomach that feels like you're going to vomit. That's the feeling I'm getting. I hated that time in my life. I hated it. I was miserable then. And thinking back on it, I wonder why I still long for those times. It's fucked up. Just like now I have a total of a few friends and just like now, I was always the after thought. When people showed up at my place it was always to see my roommate and I just happened to be there. I don't know if that was actually the case, but it felt like it was. And it still feels that way now.

I still feel as if no one actually likes me, as if I'm not really someone's friend. I feel like if I didn't have a few certain friends, then everyone else I call a friend would forget about my very existence. Now that I think about it, I realize that most of my friends aren't actually my friends. They are friends of my friends. Hell, I don't even have any friends around here. There's my roommate and that's about it. No one ever calls. No one even calls back. How depressing it that?

I know it could be worse. I have a job. I have a house. I'm not dying...at least not at this exact moment, but give it a few days, it could change. For how not shitty my life is, I do have a lot to be happy about, I still hate everything about myself except for myself. I hate my body, my job, my town, my lifestyle, my lack of car, my lack of money, my lack of anything to do ever, but I still think I'm better than everyone else, atleast personality-wise. I know that my mind is top-notch, but everything else about my life if fucking pathetic. I can't get a date, I can't save a dime, I can't even talk to a girl without talking about how big of a loser I am. It's fucking pathetic. the worst part is, I'll be telling myself not to talk myself down and I'll be telling myself not to be funny for the sake of being funny and I'll be telling myself not to go for a cheap laugh, but I always talk about how fat I am or how I'm a loser or about my diarrhea or about fucking Jesus with a dildo I pulled out of a fat chick who was having her period. I say shit like that. No wonder girls won't take me serious. I'm a joke.

So, what should I do? Change who I am? That's not me. I like who I am, but it turns out that no one else does. That's fine. I'll keep living my shitty life and I'll watch stupid guys with 2Fast2Furious cars dating super cool girls who are too fucking stupid to realize they are dating a date rapist. Fine. Stupid girls get what they deserve, but sadly, douche bag guys never get what they deserve.

I guess that makes me a douche bag, because I never get what I deserve. What is it that I deserve? How about being happy once in a while? That would be nice. How about not having people point out how depressed I am and how big of a downer that is. That would also be nice. Maybe I wouldn't be such a downer if people weren't so goddamned stupid. Maybe I'd be more upbeat if people weren't such goddamned assholes. Maybe I'd be more chipper if people gave a shit about me. Hell, I'd just be happy if people gave a shit about anyone but themselves. Sadly, that's not the world I live in. I live in a world I hate surrounded by people that I hate while living a life I hate.

And I just realized that I'm a guy because I thought to myself I wouldn't be so damn depressed if I could get a blow job. That just made me more depressed. Sadly, I'm everything I hate about other people. Now I'm just rambling and I should just delete this, but I'm too fucking stupid to do that.